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Text Version here: Worrying too much?
…when I was younger and out of a true concern for my welfare – my Mum was always saying to me, “stop worrying too much!”
So I began to believe that as part of my identity it was normal for me to have cycling persistent worries – always trying to think one step ahead. “Just how could I deal with any negative outcomes that might befall me.”
It wasn’t until many years later that I came to understand that when we consistently hear or persistently think of a negative possibility as being a probability, then not only is it exhausting but it can reinforce the uncomfortable feelings of those message.
Flexibility and the ability to live with uncertainty sadly becomes alien.
Now I’m not saying that it’s not a good thing to think about things through planning ahead in a more constructive light but…
Let’s attempt to switch perspective for a moment.
What if there is a difference between being a worrier versus being a person full of curiosity? Think about it.
Does that mean we’d be more likely to be able to think more clearly about a given situation? Is it more likely that we could reach out for help to find useful solutions and get the emotional support we need?
Notice if becoming curious holds a different internal feeling for you. Or maybe it strikes a chord which creates changes in how you’re thinking. What’s the difference to your inner experience?
Which one, worry or curiosity, would give you a glimmer of hope for the future. It’s intriguing, isn’t it? …
Many clients have said that they wish they could be more resilient when the stakes seem high. I believe they have a good point. Growing an inner resilience to handle life’s challenges doesn’t mean we have to be super-human.
On the contrary growing an inner resilience means gradually gaining a more adaptable outlook. When things aren’t certain we can have more control, by listening to our emotions as a way to be helpful and supportive to our self.
How to – where to start?
We’re all human, and we’re used to going into a protective mode of thinking which when we’re under stress, can lead to negative over-thinking, and high anxiety.
But being human means that we’re also able to grow strategies that nurture resilience. That means in circumstances where we need to handle the normal and not so usual challenges of everyday life too.
History is full of normal everyday people who have gone on to do extraordinary things, or have overcome challenges to lead a happier life with family, friends, and for themselves.
Sometimes we need help to learn those strategies and that’s okay because in one way or another, we are all fellow strugglers.
Just being…In this moment
Worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, worrying about what others are thinking about us, not feeling good enough, loved enough.
Overwhelming factors which lead to fatigue can take the juice out of remembering times when we’re having fun, when we were really pleased with the outcome of something. Those things can be simple things that can bring us a sense of joy and connection.
Re-edit your personal movie
When life gets tough then people often find themselves replaying fears based on past experience, without taking into account what they have learned or that they have changed.
I wonder what happens if you stop the replaying of the feared expectation, that imaginary snapshot of discomfort by using the imagination to re-edit the journey.
What went well? Who helped? What have you learned that could help you make better choices? What things had the potential to make you feel good?
What’s the first action you can take today towards a better outcome? Does that mean moving on or holding out? The choice is yours.
Recall those good times too.
From experience, we can recall how feelings of confidence do grow over time, with practice and experience. From the first time riding a bike, to the first time we were in flow with a work task which initially we can recall, months or years ago, was a challenge.
The world didn’t end!
Recognizing that we have choices. knowing deep inside that it’s really okay to be the best that we can be within each moment, of each day, can help us to feel better and give us hope on the journey.
It’s been said that we’re learning machines! No one is saying that it has to always be easy to learn. But why not experiment, by choosing to believe that it’s okay to just give ourselves a fair chance.
I like to think that showing ourselves a bit more self-compassion is preferable to constantly berating ourselves. It surprising how these switches in perspective can lead to improvements in self-esteem too. Give it a go…
As attitudes to ourselves change for the better, I wonder how that could allow us the space to be kinder to others who may be facing challenges too?
Do you want to change? We all have to start somewhere..and that could begin by one small step, by giving yourself a break and showing yourself some kindness.
Interested in getting some professional guidance on your journey? One to one, online therapy from the comfort of your own space, in any place. And we’d be using a secure and encrypted web service. So, there is no need for you to download an app.
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