When you build your confidence it can mean changing your mindset from fixed beliefs about yourself by gently pushing the edges of comfort through experimenting and trying out something new or developing on those skills you already have.
I’ve included a link (see below) which is a refreshing perspective based on the work of Carole Dweck and the psychology of success and written by Maria Popova at Brain Pickings.Org. I like it because it’s a window to a world that may just help those who grew up to believe that they weren’t intelligent or good enough in comparison to other people around them. Strike that fixed mindset and learn and develop by moving into the growth mindset. Surprisingly old unhelpful beliefs can begin to crumble – In a good way,
Imagine the difference if you were to be able to transform unhelpful fears into feelings of excitement, When dipping those toes into a challenge to sense a difference within yourself that supports you moment to moment. Excitement that comes from the perspective of learning and improvement, rather than fear of failure. . We can be open to developing our potential and ultimately our capacity for fulfillment, meaning and purpose in life. Still sound or feel’s too scary? If it’s to do with your mind and limiting beliefs, that’s something we could begin to work on together.
Change your mindset: build-your-confidence
What if the beliefs we held about our abilities didn’t have to be set in concrete?
Click on image directs to Brain Pickings.Org Article with thanks
Review snippets – Clients personal experiences in…
“I was unsure of what to expect…but Maria…completely understood where my confidence issues were and managed to help get my life and career back on track….[ Read in full]
Build your confidence for interviews and leading work team…
“I look at myself and what I have achieved – staying calm, not getting too stressed with situations, feeling more confident, speaking up in a large group or feeling more comfortable with leading my team…[Read in full]
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Change your perception change your thoughts
I once had a client who came to me believing that she couldn’t change her negative patterns of thinking and behaving. She believed she had “wonky brain wiring.” One of the most powerful things she learned was that the ‘beliefs’ that created her thoughts were not necessarily true.
Its really possible to change the landscape of the brain in its ability to produce more positive, kind, authentic and supportive equations.
It starts with a subtle nudge towards a change in your perspective.
So that over time any unhelpful attitudes you may have learned begin to change. Those limiting beliefs that have been unique to you can transform into a healthier self esteem, self awareness and self confidence.
What difference would such a change bring to your life?
So rather than seeing the world as happening to you and responding accordingly, you shift towards a mindset where you can make different choices. Building upon those resources you already have within you AND creating new ones.
This shift is called gaining an internal locus of control. It can break old patterns that your brain has been running due to, for example, outdated life scripts and well worn habits.
When we set our intention to make the decision to create change we can be freed to open up new perspectives. That means creating changes in how we respond towards our self (what we can control) and those things external to us (or outside our control).
What’s not to like about the possibility for updating the way the brain works, if it means creating even better versions of the self? So that irrespective of what happens in your day you feel a natural freedom to choose the meaning of it and how you respond to it.
The Brainy Science bit:
The brain is ‘plastic’ – or to be more accurate – patterns of thinking can change because of something called Neuro-plasticity within the brain. (Try saying neuro-plasticity!)
Here’s an interesting snippet from article I came across recently on this point:
“The mainstream view in neuroscience and medicine today is that the living brain is actually “neuroplastic”—meaning that its “circuits” are constantly changing in response to what we actually do out in the world. As we think, perceive, form memories or learn new skills, the connections between brain cells also change and strengthen. Far from being hard-wired, the brain has circuits that very rapidly form, un-form and reform. This capacity is the foundation for the brain’s distinctive way of healing. ” Article Wall Street Journal : Our Amazingly Plastic brains.
* Neuroplasticity: Any habit molds the very structure of your brain in ways that strengthen your proclivity for that habit.
Scientific article of brain plasticity…source http://www.wsj.com/articles/our-amazingly-plastic-brains-1423262095
As a great guy once said, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” Wayne Dyer.
By influencing policy makers, it’s hoped to help those specific age groups most in need.
Who or what holds power to release independent anxious thinking?
– what do you need to believe to let the negative consequences you’re imagining, go?
The thing is that the unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is in your reality and what you believe for your future as a consequence of an anxious thought.
“If I screw this up again I’ll lose my job and then…” fill in the imaginary blank”.
These internal emotions bring to mind a set of rules based on fear, not only are they genuinely felt they can leave people in a quagmire of rumination. Such thoughts have a minimal basis in present reality, but they can disturb sleep, mess with your appetite and cloud any clarity of thought.
The clarity you need which, allows you to be creative because a peaceful mind can very often surprise us with levels of perception and the ability to suss out progressive steps.
The thing is if you woke in the morning with the thought “ I don’t want to be thinking that negative thought today” – oh-oh to late you’ve already considered it.
You see, what we bring to mind, comes to mind and in order not to bring it up in your mind – the brain will hunt for that very thing. (Here’s an experiment; ’don’t think of a blue tree’ – what just happened?).
Broadly speaking thoughts can be ‘bound’ (literally) by our perception of reality which for some becomes limited by our past experiences. Once we step outside our ‘safety zone’ the mind may seek to protect us.
So what if we could reduce levels of anxiety by enjoying the thrill of becoming better versions of ourselves.
Lifting the curtain on the magic trick
The thought is an illusion especially if it hasn’t happened yet. Sometimes we need to learn how to let that thought go, and this can begin through acceptance and action of a different kind.
When a client felt burdened by worries at work then he became caught in a cycle of anxiety and depression, he lost sleep, increased his daily amount of alcohol and couldn’t think clearly.
He saw his life as swirling down the plughole while he imagined losing his family. By looking for the solution to his ‘problems’ through fear it built up his anxiety.
He found that learning things like self-hypnosis and relaxation, plus experiencing other therapeutic techniques, got him to the point where he could switch his focus. Let unhelpful thinking go, and be open to better solutions.
He felt enabled to do more to strengthen his and his families emotional needs.
The Mind/Body connection
For him that meant also getting fitter, healthier, finding a creative hobby and spending quality time in having fun with his wife and children.
This helped him to step out of the old unhelpful cycle. By seeking a progressive way to deal with ‘real’ issues he stepped towards ‘real’ solutions in his present. He even considered a change in his career.
To his surprise, ‘all was not lost ‘just because he decided to relegate any unhelpful thoughts.
He turned more towards growth, and with patience, he learned that
‘thought is harmless unless you believe it’, it was the attachment to the negative thought that caused his suffering in the first place.”
Gradually realising how a more balanced outlook can lead to improvements in confidence and self-esteem in many delightful ways.
If you were offered a golden key, with the opportunity to release that old pattern of thinking by letting it go, choosing a fresh perspective, would you take it?
Ready to take that first step?
Contact Maria Cognitive Hypnotherapy
Source: GB Office of National Statistics February 2016 – article source. An analysis of personal well-being data. Search for –
Measuring national well-being ‘At what age is personal well-being at its highest’ Michael Steel
UK study: Collected over a period of 3 years, 2012-1015 with a sample of over 300,000 adults.
“If you were out in the future doing what you want to do, what would you need to believe that you don’t believe now?”
Plenty of people who are affected by ‘lack of confidence’ get the help they need to conquer their issue through hypnotherapy, You too can find relief from that feeling, by seeking to gain more understanding and by learning techniques to create change. By contacting me at my East London practice we can work together to help you turn things around. You could get back the control to reduce those old feelings and use your liberated confidence as a vehicle to drive your aspirations by making them real.
What is confidence to you?
It’s said that confidence is how we view our own capacity to do something. Low confidence is when we view our abilities to accomplish or create skills as being minimal. When we lose the ability to feel that sense of self-assurance we can find it hard to move forward with our lives.
Interestingly, self confidence is similar but not the same as self respect which relates to our view of ourselves. Some clients with low self-confidence report that the core of their problem is a sense of ‘not being good enough’. So when it comes to ‘going for it’ they remain stuck because they feel that by stepping out of their comfort zone the risk to their self-esteem is too high. Does that sound familiar?
*** Tips that help people feel more confident coming up soon…
Everybody is different and the reasons for a lack of confidence can be really simple or fairly complex.
Now nobody is 100% confident all of the time, but all of us are stronger than we think we are, it can be the mind that gets in the way of the expression of our strength.
Cognitive hypnotherapy is an effective way to find the root cause of your confidence issues and help you to deal with them efficiently.
Why people need to be self assured?
So many aspects of our lives are impacted by self confidence. It has an effect on how we manage speaking in public or even just how we talk to friends or colleagues one to one.
We need this ability to allow us to take possibilities we may otherwise disregard.We need to feel competent and able to progress in everyday life.
If you find yourself suffering from low confidence you may experience shyness in public, you might find yourself feeling self conscious and self aware socially. You may be turning down job offers because of a resounding belief you are not able to do the job.
Exactly why do people have confidence issues?
Low self confidence can be generated by one particular trauma that influenced how you view your talents. Maybe it came from a childhood full of difficulty and negativity from your peers. In some cases people can discover their confidence is damaged having not realised it was a problem.
A few negative events can really affect us significantly – maybe a redundancy has left you more tormented by rejected job applications than you formerly would’ve been.
Sometimes its easy to overlook how much events have affected us negatively and how those effects may be preventing us from moving forward. Sometimes, the reason is far less traumatic and simply a case of the person not recognising their skills and abilities or not knowing how to apply these skills and capabilities effectively.
Some signs you could have low self confidence are:
Constant self doubt, avoidance of certain situations for fear of feeling uncomfortable, difficulties speaking confidently, dismissing your own needs or not identifying what they are or disregarding or avoiding beneficial opportunities you would like to seize, but find something is blocking you.
Can it be helped?
It most definitely can. The first step is finding out what created your low self confidence in the beginning. Because in Cognitive Hypnotherapy we look at the issues that have triggered your problem yet focus much more on those steps that effectively move you forward towards your solution.
Using hypnosis and other therapeutic tools tailored to your needs, you will be supported as you move towards those changes you want in the way you are thinking, feeling or behaving.
There are lots of options for those living with low confidence, and it’s upsetting to think that its only your mind blocking you from personal growth in life. But you can get help and by identifying this now, and by doing something now, it could prove very empowering!
When its only your own mind that is the obstacle, you have a chance to turn that around and move forward, changing into the person you would like to be.
Tips that help us feel more confident:
“We need a sense of self-confidence to drive our aspirations and make them real…”
1. Keeping up with the Jones?
Self-confident people don’t have to be like everybody else – they recognise that it can be exhausting trying to be seen ‘as-like’ other people around them. In fact confidence means feeling more comfortable with being who you are.
By learning to accept your own uniqueness – relaxing with your own way of being and recognising that being different doesn’t mean you have to doubt your decisions, you can begin to discover your personal strengths.
2. Recognising your personal strengths and confidence
Speaking of which – focusing on your personal strengths regularly, no matter how big or small, is a great way to remind yourself that you have positive attributes. One client was admired by her family and colleges because of her home made chocolate brownies, another could play any string instrument. Or it could be the ability to drive, ride a bike, swim, roller skate, make people laugh, be methodical, or show empathy – whatever it may be there will be something you can do which others maybe even millions of other people can’t do.
3. Emotional intelligence and confidence
Handling uncertainty – None of us can know for sure that something will go well, by taking the stance ‘Whatever happens I’ll be okay!’ we grow an emotional intelligence which is bigger than limiting ourselves through a categorisation of just either success or failure.
4. Prepare to fail and stay on-top
Being self-confident means being able to relax comfortably with the certainty that you can handle uncertainty AND even if this means that we sometimes fail, seeing this as a learning process we can utilise when we try again later.
Did you know that Edison failed 10,000 times before he was successful at producing a working light bulb? Thankfully he didn’t stop after his first attempt! Quote: “I’ve not failed I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work!” Moral? Never doubt – self confident people can smile a little and not take themselves too seriously by learning to manage less successful attempts and not damage their self-esteem.
If you really want to get to grips with your specific issue please contact me for an initial chat and to set up and appointment – you know “you deserve to be the best you can be.”